Those Who Trespass

I am a follower of Christ, the wife of an Air Force officer, a mom of six kids that I homeschool, and a woman who loves her country.  I desire for my children to be able to grow up in a land that values the same things our founding fathers valued, and live peaceful lives that honor the sacrifice of so many who fought and died to keep America free.

This is our sixth year being stationed in Washington, DC.  We were here from 2017 – 2021 and witnessed some of the most pivotal moments in our country’s recent history up close and personal.  Our political preferences most closely align with conservatives, and we voted for Donald J. Trump in 2016, 2020, and 2024, we have mostly been pariahs in many of our social circles because of this.  We understand a lot of the criticism for his presidency, but we hate the genocide of the unborn, the subjugation and exploitation of illegal immigrants, the LGBTQIA+ agenda along with the mutilation of America’s youth, and the transgender, anti-women and girls agenda of the democratic party.  We believe that Donald Trump and his America First, Make America strong, healthy, safe, free, and great again vision is the best thing for the United States of America right now.  We also believe that the media has been running a propaganda operation that spins a narrative they want people to believe, and that narrative is agressively anti-Trump.

As I observe what has gone on over the last 8-10 years, there have been times that I have felt helpless as a stay at home wife and mother to make any lasting change to the political landscape.  I believe working tirelessly to teach my kids to love the Lord, think critically, and stand for truth is the most valuable thing I could put my efforts toward.  Next to that, having constructive conversations, debating my Facebook friends online, and sharing conservative content is about the best I can do to influence those around me about what is really going on.  So many have been brainwashed into believing the leftist propaganda, and I can even see it in their eyes when we talk about politics.  It’s like a spiritual oppression of hate towards our President.  I have been cursed at, called names, insulted, screamed at, and more.  There is no other reason for this than a deeply held belief that President Trump is evil, and his supporters are the enemy.  However, no matter what, I try to represent Christ and speak kindly and gently to my opponents.  I also aim to be honest about criticism for our political leadership, no matter what administration is in office.  I try to get all the facts before making a determination about what I think on a particular issue.  

Since the election of President Trump, I do believe the tone is changing ever slightly as many people realize that support of President Trump is greater than they thought.  This has opened up new opportunities for discussion with others.  Because of my openness and my recent posts highlighting my attendance at events such as the inaugural ball and CPAC, I have a lot of people reach out to me and ask me questions.  I want to be able to answer them knowledgeably, so I do my best.  One of the main questions I get is about immigration.  I have many friends who are teachers and doctors and compassionate individuals who know immigrant families and their children.  The idea of deportations seems heartless to these Americans.  They ask me how I can support a President who is  going to cast these illegal immigrants into fear and seek them out and send them back to their countries that they fled from.  After all, this was a policy position that President Trump promoted during his campaign.  Now that his presidency has begun, and we are seeing the deportations begin, it begs the question, what happens after all the cartels, gangs, murderers and rapists are deported?  Will President Trump actually start deporting families?  Is this the best thing for humanity?  Is it the best thing for America?

In an effort to answer these questions, I have had to do a lot of prayer and thought about what I really think, and I have come to the conclusion that what Biden and Harris did to these illegal immigrants is egregious.  They essentially told them that it was ok to come here and break our laws, knowing full well that they would have no rights under our Constitution, that they would be exploited and subjugated, and that many of them would suffer immensely.  They knew that they were helping people from all over the world begin their lives in the United States as criminals, making them vulnerable to prosecution, deportation, and worse.  Biden and Harris used these people, many of whom I do believe wanted a better life in America, as political pawns, because they knew that if a Republican administration succeeded them, that the possibility of mass deportations was likely.  What they did to millions of human beings from around the world is criminal and they should be held accountable.

What I tell my friends who are worried for these illegal immigrants that have not been convicted of other crimes is this:  I tell them that bad policy affects everyone.  I tell them that the immigration problem of the last four years can not just be left alone.  It can’t stay this way.  These people have become an underbelly of society.  If we truly care about these people on a humanitarian level, we must care about what kind of life they have here as illegal aliens.  The very idea that it’s ok for them to “work the jobs Americans don’t want to do”, which is a talking point of the left, is disgusting.  Hundreds of thousands of children have been lost.  Probably bought and sold into sexual slavery.  Even the governor of New Jersey suggested that he would house an illegal immigrant as a malicious attempt to undermine ICE, and no one thinks that maybe that immigrant doesn’t want to be a slave in Phil Murphy’s home?  The way we have thought of and spoken on this issue is all wrong.  We need to stop treating them the way the Biden admin treated them; speaking of them as objects to be moved around.  These are human beings.  We need to shed light on the facts of what Biden and Harris did to them.  The Biden administration not only opened our border to violent rapists, murderers, gangs, cartels, and fentanyl, but they also forced one of the greatest humanitarian disasters in our history by lying to innocent mothers and fathers longing for their children to have the hope of living a better life in the United States of America.  These poor, vulnerable human beings got here only to find a government so corrupt that it was willing to incentivize them into criminality by crossing our border illegally, then in turn provide them no rights, and watch as they became the new slave trade on American soil.  So what I tell my friends is that it can not stay this way.  Either we need to provide these people with citizenship or we need to send them home to their country where they do have rights.

This brings me to my final point.  I believe this crisis is an opportunity to accomplish many things that will benefit our Nation, the Trump administration, and the human beings who want to become a part of American society and have a better life for their families.  As many say, our immigration system has been broken for a long time.  I don’t claim to know the ins and outs of immigration law, but I have some personal experience with the challenges of legal immigration, and the ease by which immigration has been allowed illegally for some time.  That said, I believe it is time to fix our system once and for all.  I believe this is a chance to unite Americans around a shared vision of restoring the American spirit, and could be the healing balm for a divided Nation.  

If we can identify the illegal immigrant mothers and fathers who truly want to be Americans, and we can provide them the education of our country’s founding, teach them English and the principles we rely on for faith, freedom, prosperity, and safety,  the church will also have the opportunity to support and share the Gospel with those from many nations that the Lord has allowed to come here.  If we can give these people the opportunity to earn citizenship in this country, not only will President Trump be able to show the Nation that he is not a heartless fear monger, but that he does care about people.  If we can make our laws support legal immigration and deter others from coming illegally, we can still be a place of refuge for many, and continue our legacy as the most diverse nation on the planet.

We can once again unite behind the vision of an America that is blessed enough to bless others, by creating an opportunity for willing individuals to be legal immigrants of this country, thus averting the humanitarian disaster begun with the open border.  And, if this is accomplished well, we will have many more people in our country who will love conservative values and help bring America back to what God intended her to be.  This is good for our economy, good for humanity, and good for America.  Finally, being kind to the stranger honors God in Heaven, and as Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”, I believe after four years of Biden, our country surely needs God’s forgiveness.

Those Who Could Have Been

On the Anniversary of Roe v. Wade

Today is the anniversary of the Supreme Court decision that made abortion a constitutional right in the United States.  But God.  Almost 50 years later, the Supreme Court would hand down another ruling that would overturn this horrible precedent and example of bad law, which was based on fraudulent circumstances.  Jane Roe, whose real name was Norma McCorvey, ended up renouncing her role in the case and becoming a pro-life activist. She later died of a broken heart over the carnage that the ruling had brought to this nation.  

Very few people know the actual numbers of babies who have been killed by the regressive, barbaric act of abortion.  Far too many women have been sold the lie of feminism and “reproductive healthcare” as the path to freedom and power as a woman.  Your power does not lie in the ability to be like a man.  Your power does not lie in having the ability to end the life of an innocent child – one that was conceived and formed by God in your womb – the very thing that sets us apart from men.  Abortion is not progressive.  It is regressive, like ancient times when they killed the children they didn’t want.  

You see, God made women very special and not in any way inferior to men.  This is the lie of feminism: God made us less than men, therefore we must fix God’s mistake.  If we do not have to give birth, then we can be equal to (or better than) men.  Therefore, abortion is the vehicle that enables our equity and equality with men.  But this sickening lie convinces women to give up the very intrinsic, unique essence of womanhood, which God so highly values.  It is a deception of the evil one who hates all mankind, and especially hates women and children because they are what allow mankind to flourish.  Do not believe his lies.

Since 1973, more than 63,000,000 babies have been killed by abortion.  These could have been the next generation of pastors, teachers, engineers, scientists, moms, and dads, sisters, brothers, friends.  Heart-wrenchingly, we will never know these human beings who could have been.

“In January 2024, Worldometer, a live statistics website, reported that 44 million elective abortions were performed [worldwide] in the year 2022, thereby making abortion the leading cause of human death.”  – Americans United for Life website

How can we as a society stand by and watch as silent genocide of the unborn continues?  

The overturning of Roe v. Wade did not end abortion.  As many pro-death advocates would like us to believe, abortions have not decreased or been prevented since the new precedent.  The ruling only gave the power back to the states to decide for themselves how to legislate abortion.  The federal government said there is no constitutional right to abortion, but the laws now vary state to state.  If you are in a state that allows abortion, I urge you to be a voice for abolishment.  Be a voice for women.  Help women to see their worth is in their creation by a loving Father who made them exactly the way He intended, and that He made no mistake.  Help promote life in all areas of society.  In all your spheres of influence.  Help a new mom out, donate to a pro-life pregnancy center, bring meals to a foster family.  Treat others with the respect and dignity that all people made in God’s image deserve.  Write your congressmen and women.  Make your voice heard.  Do not be afraid to speak up for these voiceless babies.  This is not a blame game on women who have chosen abortion.  They need help too.  We’ve all been lied to for decades and we need to repent of the sin of abortion, and heal and stand firm in the fight for life.  

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”  Ephesians 6:12 

Even more so now, as we enter a new season of political leadership in America, we need to learn what is true, separate fact from fiction, and be willing to speak up for what is right.  I can not stand before God or look my children in the eye and tell them that abortion is ok in any circumstance.  It is a scourge on our nation and the world, and I ask that we all pray for legal abortion to end in America so we can set the standard for the world.

#savethebabies #savethechildren #MadeInGodsImage #dignity #life #speakup #strongfamilies

Three Years Later

It’s been three years since I last published an article to this site. A lot has happened in my life since then, and here I am finally with a moment of quiet (minus the dog barking to be let inside).

I was able to finally get the website fixed so it looks normal. I have a howestherly.com sticker on my car and it makes me wonder how many people have actually visited the site only to find it embarrassingly disabled.

I went back and read the last article posted, and it is fitting. Three years later, Simone Biles is back in the Olympics. She is once again the darling of gymnastics, but now she is married and better than ever at her sport.

I’m thankful that post from three years ago aged so well. I’m thankful this woman, Simone Biles, is not some dried up addict on the page of the tabloids, like so many other famous women we once adored. On the contrary, Simone appears to be thriving and exemplifies the beauty and strength of womanhood.

While there is other controversial news surrounding the 2024 Paris Olympics, I do not intend to write about that. Instead, I’m going to offer thanks to God that the prayers for Simone were seemingly answered and she is thriving. I am also thanking God for giving me fresh eyes for this project that I have loved but often takes a backseat. I am thanking God to be writing again.

Love to you, Jill

Simone Biles and the problem with being a god

We’ve been through the ringer lately. I mean really. For a people who haven’t experienced real hardship since World War II, we have taken it on the chops the past couple of years. And here it is, 2021, the year when we are supposed to get our lives back, the year when COVID is supposed to be gone, and the year that we take a collective sigh of relief. And with our hopes of returning to some semblance of normalcy, we are looking for bright spots in the landscape that can rejuvenate our spirits. Enter the 2021 summer olympics. Sure, there’s no audience, and the whole event is being threatened by a typhoon, but it’s the Olympics. It’s time for the brightest and best of the world’s athletes to demonstrate their abilities and to celebrate the patriotism of one’s country from which they hail. The Olympics represents the human condition in the best of ways – through displays of hard work, perseverance, mastery, and competition. The Olympics gives us something to get excited about, heroes to root for, and a distraction from the disappointments we may be feeling right now. And one of America’s favorite events? Women’s gymnastics. We love to watch gymnastics because for many people, what these athletes do is unimaginable. How do they seem to fly through the air with ease and actually land on both feet? How are they able to be so flexible and so strong at the same time? We are in awe of their intense focus and superhuman ability. And U.S. gymnasts always make us proud. This year was no different. The gals of the 2021 Olympic women’s gymnastics team fought their way to get to Tokyo – in more ways than one – braving their sport through qualifying competitions and sexual abuse trauma, a worldwide pandemic, and one even had a parent granted a delay to her prison sentence so she could see her daughter compete. We all watched closely as the beautiful team of Americans began competing for gold. And we especially were watching the one named Simone Biles, who many referred to as the GOAT. The greatest gymnast of all time.

But, Simone will not be bringing home any medals this year. She uncharacteristically faltered on a couple routines, and pulled out of the team competition, followed by the individual competition, citing mental health concerns. Her teammates will go on without her. The internet exploded into a frenzy of opinions on whether she was a coward or a hero, and the debates broke out. I remained silent on the issue as I watched a person be torn apart and also glorified by people who had never so much as seen her in person, let alone ever met her. A person who has thoughts and feelings like you and I. A person who clearly needed something in this time that she does not have, because whatever she’s going through was too much for her to continue competing at the world’s finest competition. As I watched and read the comments, my opinion started to form and then the opposite opinion would cross my mind, and I weighed what my ultimate thoughts were on this issue, and I realized that I don’t have an opinion. She is a human athlete who made a choice, be it right or wrong, it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Simone’s story is a cautionary tale of the danger of being a god – or in her case, a goddess – in this world. You see, we’re all looking for something to hold us up. Before the pandemic, we were up. We were doing pretty well. Sure, there was some dirt on the surface, there was some infighting going on, but for the most part our bellies and our wallets were full. We knew what side we were on, we knew what we thought about things, and we were ok with everything. And then. Our health started to fail. In the form of a tiny virus that threatened sickness and death. Our routines failed. We had to stay home from work and school and find new ways to do normal things. For some of us our relationships failed as we fought over politics, and being home together so long took its toll. Some had jobs or businesses that failed. We couldn’t find toilet paper or paper towels. We couldn’t go out and do what we enjoy. We couldn’t see our loved ones – not at least, without a mask or being six feet away. And suddenly, the things that had kept us up were failing us. For many, the government had failed them. The church failed. The masks failed. Maybe even the vaccine failed. But here! Here is a beautiful gymnast with amazing talents to remind us of all that is good and amazing in this world. The type of athlete that should be on the Wheeties box, and can be a role-model for every child who wants to do great things. She has faced adversity, and she is strong and she is a winner. She represents everything great we want life to be. And we waited on bated breath. We wanted Simone Biles to hold us up. We wanted Simone Biles to tell us everything will be ok.

But she tripped. She almost fell. And then she quit. She dropped out. She left her comrades to finish without her. And this spurned every response, ranging from curiosity to contempt. The response showed me that when we put our hope on human shoulders, they cannot hold us up. When we put our hopes on a person, we crush them under our expectations. Imagine having the eyes of the whole world on you – expecting you to be perfect, to win, to show no weakness. Expecting you to help bring the country out of a dark time by crushing the competition. Nobody can take on the weight of all that by themselves. And when we stand on a weak foundation, we fall. And fall people did. They fell in their shock, their confusion, their anger, and their disgust. Maybe no one sees it the way I do, that Simone was a foundation that many built their hope. But if we’re honest, we’ve been looking to anything to restore our hope, our happiness, our safety. We’ve been looking for any assurance that things will get better.

But here we are, COVID cases are on the rise again, masks are being mandated once again, the economy is struggling, our government is struggling, and Simone Biles, our Olympic hero is no longer a competitor. So where do we put our hope? Who will hold us up? Who will stroke our head and tell us that all is not lost?

The only one who can withstand the weight of our needs and expectations is the only one who has been able to withstand our humanity from the beginning. It’s Jesus Christ. It’s like the song says, “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand”. We have to be so careful of putting our hopes in gods. By that I mean little g gods. Those things and people around us that may seem like something to trust. Something or someone to worship. We must be so careful that our hope is in nothing else than our savior Jesus. Because health will fail. Money will fail. People will fail. And when they fail under the crushing weight we put on them, we too will also fail. But when we put all of our hopes and dreams and fears and disappointments on Jesus, He is willing and able to carry them – and us – without tripping and without falling. And He will never leave us nor forsake us, because He loves us. And in these uncertain times, He wants us to come to Him, not the world, to find peace and assurance. He wants us to trust Him and seek Him and find Him.

So let’s pray for Simone and what she is going through. Let’s repent for the sin of idol worship – whatever that may look like in our lives – and let’s run to the one from whom our hope comes from. Let’s persevere through hard circumstances and remember what Jesus said: “In this world you will have troubles, but take heart for I have overcome the world”. (John 16:33b)

**Sidenote: Mental health is a serious issue, and a rising epidemic in our country. Getting help is important. If you or someone you know has had thoughts of hurting themselves or someone else, please get help. You are wanted and needed in this world. We need to be stronger mentally so we can handle what life sends our way. As Bible believing Christians, when we stand on the truth, we do not need to fear, and the pressures of this world melt away because the only one we need to please is God, and He loves us already and gives us everything we need to please Him. Look for Jesus, dear friends. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Romans 12:2

Choosing Uncomfortable

We’ve all been there, right smack in the middle of working out or running (the part when it starts to hurt), and thoughts of doubt flood your head. You start questioning why you’re doing this to yourself.

That moment is what I have learned to chase. That moment is when real growth happens.

I married my husband, a pilot in the army, fifteen years ago.  The young, naive me knew there would be hard moments, I mean he left for a combat deployment the day after our honeymoon so I was kind of baptized by fire, but my goal always was to find my way out of the hard as quickly as possible. This strategy left me constantly wishing for the time to pass, regularly feeling negative (think Eeyore) and exhausted by trying to control as much as possible just to have that temporary comfort. 

I realized, years ago, our time here is fleeting (brilliant and profound I know). We all have a choice – love uncomfortable and grow or love comfortable and decay.

There’s a saying in parenting, “some kids learn in the classroom and some kids have to take the field trip.” Welp, I am the adult who always has to take the field trip. I found myself for years saying, “this is just a hard year.” Whether it was a deployment, a new baby, illness, etc. LIFE IS HARD and especially SERVICE LIFE IS HARD! At some point it clicked in my thick head (lightbulb moment), just like the workout that breaks down my muscles, this HARD is a gift. A gift of future strength, a gift of growing stronger in my faith (literally the Holy Spirit is the only way I’ve made it through many days) and the gift of perspective (this life is NOT about our comfort only).

Last year, we found our family was facing a quick but temporary change. My husband was going to be sent to school with the Army that would require he live 700 miles from our current home. While my husband has served in the military on Active status for more than two decades, we’ve had the luxury of living in the same town/home/community that entire time. So this news of school was a shakeup for us to say the least.

Immediately, I was bombarded with questions from friends and family asking if I would stay in our home and live with the kids while he’s away or would we go with him. To me, there was never an option. After my years of running FROM HARD, I had also come to realize, our family is a team with a mission. The mission isn’t to give everyone the most comfortable “stable” life possible. Our mission is to glorify God and continue to grow in order to glorify him more in all we do. Understanding what your purpose is, both individually and as a family, allows you to see something HARD and not question or try to get around it. Side note, that doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t complain (insert my guilty face)

Moving was HARD. We had a few weeks to pack up, make plans, etc. Toteing our paralyzed dog, four kids and two cars, it seemed everything that could have gone wrong on our PCS (Permanent Change of Station) move did. We moved into an old house one fourth the size of our previous home. Living in a new city, we made the decision to homeschool our kids for the year.

To say this year has been HARD is an understatement but oh what we’ve gained.  Friendships I never knew could be so rich so fast, gained skills and knowledge for my husband to better serve, hours upon hours with my sweet children I would not otherwise have, we’ve gotten to see and experience so much. When I looked at this year, all I could see was hard and UNCOMFORTABLE, but I know that’s where the treasure is. 

A Season of the Unknown

Why Spring is a tough time for military families.

My little Ellie swinging at Joint Base Anacostia-Bolling.

Spring is my favorite season. It starts getting warm, the flowers are blooming, there are baby animals, and it gives me this new energy and excitement that summer is coming! Spring brings with it new opportunity, and refreshment from the cold and gray of winter.

Spring is also a really hard time for me. As the wife of an Air Force officer, spring means more than just seasons changing. Spring means loss. Spring means challenge. Spring means work.

Spring marks the beginning of PCS season for military families. PCS stands for Permanent Change of Station. You know the military is all about acronyms. Permanent Change of Station means that families all across the world pack up their lives and move to a new geographical location based on the needs of the military. Our family PCSes (It’s a noun and also a verb) on average every two years, but we go through PCS season every year.

Right now, many of the friends I have made at this station do not know if they will be here in a couple months. The military does not always allow for advanced notice. This means they don’t know what house they will be living in, what schools their kids will be going to, if they can keep or get a job, among many other unknowns. And I don’t know if we will live near each other anymore.

The ones who know they are moving this summer are now working on finding housing at their new assignment, looking for jobs and schools, and arranging for movers, purging and packing all their belongings. Some families have to leave pets – and even children – in some circumstances. They have to leave friends and communities, and watch their kids do the same.

And then, there are those who don’t move. The ones like my family this year – who get left behind. We are not moving this summer, which is a blessing, but it is also very difficult. Every year we have not moved is like watching a parade of moving trucks arriving and leaving, and goodbyes and hugs and tears. As the kids get older it is harder for them to watch their friends leave and not know if or when they will see them again.

So far, we are losing at least two of our favorite families – maybe three or four or five. My oldest daughter is losing her best friend. Although technology and good ol’ snail mail can help us stay in touch, it is still difficult to realize the physical community we have loved for two years is going to look a lot different – again.

But with the loss also comes gain. New families will move to the area, and new friends will be made. New connections will be found and those who stay will deepen our relationships with each other. Just like spring, there will be rain but also sun.

For our family, this spring brings the additional uncertainty of a looming deployment. My husband will be deploying this fall, and once again those familiar feelings of not knowing what those six months will look like have returned. This time, the kids are older which is both rain and sun, because they can help me more, but they also are more aware of the void of their father being gone. This spring is the beginning of the preparation for him to leave. New uniforms and gear, training dates, family time labeled “before he goes”, paperwork including wills and power of attorney, going away parties, and planning for while he’s gone.

As spring goes on, and plans come together, and families leave and families arrive, we are reminded that a house is not a home, that geographical location does not determine friendship, and that God is always in control no matter what change is about to happen in our lives.

Our husbands serve so that we can be safe and sound in America. And those women who serve do the same as they put their own wants and needs aside for the good of others. Service before self. Military families know that life is not always easy but that our service and our challenges have a purpose.

I know when my husband deploys, he is doing what he signed up to do. It is my honor to support my country by supporting him and caring for our kids while he’s gone – even though I have to remind myself of this at times. I know when my friends leave, I am not losing them if I make it a priority to stay in touch. When I watch my kids hurt because of the challenges they face, I know that with proper comfort and guidance they will be made stronger through adversity.

I know that when it is our turn to leave, that it will be difficult to say goodbye, but that this adventure is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and we will be blessed in each new assignment.

I have made some of my best friends on this journey, and I have experienced a lot of heartache. I don’t always know the best or right way to handle this unique military life, but I press on because I know that serving others is what life is all about. I know that sacrifice is good for the soul, and that our country would not be what it is without people who are willing to struggle in pursuit of goodness.

This spring and summer, if you meet a military member, spouse, or family, please give them a hug. They might be leaving, they might be staying. They might have a spouse or parent deployed. They might be waiting for deployment. They might have just lost a friend. They might be on the way to a new adventure. They might be in the middle of the unknown. We, the military families of America are facing challenges this spring. We need you. Our kids need you. Sometimes a hug is all it takes to let a service-member or service-family know they are not alone.

Is Life Balance Possible?

7 Ways to Keep from Falling.

It’s like the holy grail. The fountain of youth. Stuff of legend yet longed for by many. It’s the elusive concept of BALANCE. Some claim they have it. Some have ceased trying to find it.

Is balance possible? Is it useless to try to find it?

When I got married, I got hit with the reality that I did not know how to keep a house. I was working full time from home, and I wanted to have dinner made and a clean home when Andy got home every day. I wanted to have laundry folded and put away. I wanted to have our dogs cared for and our budget managed, and the groceries shopped for.

It would get ahead of me, and I would get behind with all I needed to do, and I would be frustrated with my inability to keep up.

Five years into our marriage, I got pregnant with our first baby girl. I was sick for the first trimester, and we moved from Montana to New Jersey for our first military PCS (Permanent Change of Station). We lived on base for the first time, had a baby, and my lack of balance became even more obvious as I tried to survive learning how to be a mom for the first time.

It wasn’t until we moved to California and our second daughter was born, that this imbalance really started to take its toll on my life, my marriage, and my kids. I was very stressed with two young kids, far from my family, trying to do all and be all to everyone. I was overwhelmed and struggling to keep it together.

We had our third daughter and moved back to New Jersey. This time in New Jersey I was excited to make friends and get involved. We also did a new thing: homeschool. It was great and challenging all at the same time. I was on the women’s ministry board on base, a key spouse for my husband’s squadron, taking kids to dance lessons and church group, and I was on the verge of a meltdown the whole time. I loved everything I was doing, but I had over-committed my time and energy. I once again found myself stretched thin and worn out.

And so it went for years as I was trying to navigate marriage and motherhood and my own identity, trying to live a Godly life but still not able to sit at Jesus’ feet. Instead I always felt like I wasn’t doing enough.

These have been the marks of my unbalanced life: stress, anxiety, guilt, sickness, irritability, fighting with my husband, snapping at my kids, procrastination, laziness, selfishness, depression, fear, forgetfulness, and insecurity. None of these are the marks of a woman who is living in thrival mode, with eyes set on Jesus. These are the marks of a woman who is trying to please people and herself, and look “good” to the world. A woman who is trying to stay busy to distract herself from the aspects of life she’s not proud of.

We live in D.C. now. Almost immediately after moving here we found out we were pregnant with bay girl #4. It was not what I had planned for. We were living in a city for the first time, and I was scared. Now we had a baby on the way. As usual, I got sick with the pregnancy and I started to panic. How could I homeschool my three kids while I’m sick in bed? Am I ruining my kids by letting them watch too much TV? Andy was doing EVERYTHING and the guilt and anxiety mounted. I had awful feelings like I wished I wasn’t pregnant, and it was the worst season of survival mode of my life. Talk about being unbalanced!

But this beautiful thing happened. I was feeling so alone and far from God, and I reached out to other homeschool moms for help. It has never been an easy thing for me to ask for or accept help. But as soon as I let others into my suffering, God was there. These ladies brought coolers full of meals for our family to help lighten the load, and they offered counsel. These moms who had been down this trail before, assured me that a few months of inactivity would not ruin my children, and that there was no reason to give up on the path God had led us to, unless God clearly called us away from it. The strength I found in the help of God through other people gave me the confidence to push through and continue homeschool even though things were so difficult.

Our fourth daughter was born in April 2018. Like any family with a newborn, we did our best to keep things running smoothly as we endured sleepless nights and other challenges that go along with raising newborns. I wouldn’t say our balance was perfect, but having done this three other times, we gave ourselves grace and made space in our lives so that we could easily grow into a family of six. It was a beautiful transition. Summer was spent enjoying our new baby and exploring the city.

When fall hit and school started again, I found that I was out of balance again because I had failed to plan for schedule changes. The time I had used over the summer to cook and keep up with the house was now occupied with teaching. It took me by surprise, but it also taught me something. Finding balance is all about planning and learning and adjusting.

As this year has gone on, my ability to stay balanced has increased like never before. I can accomplish more and I’m getting overwhelmed less. Mostly I attribute this to God working in me and strengthening me, but there are a few things I’ve noticed that are different about the balanced life vs. the unbalanced life:

#1 You have to put your priorities in order. I was a dancer and gymnast as a kid, and one of the major principles of keeping your balance say, on a balance beam or doing pirouettes, is you find a spot on the wall in front of you to focus on. This keeps you from losing your balance or getting dizzy as you spin. This is true in life as well. If you have no focus, you will fall every time. Your responsibilities and tasks will spin into a blur and you’ll find yourself dizzy in the mess. When you put your priorities in order, you know what to focus on and it keeps your equilibrium stable. For me, that focus point is Jesus. It is looking for His face in everything I do.

The Bible says it this way: “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭NLT‬‬ (New Living Translation)

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭NLT‬‬ (New Living Translation)

I have seen this in real life. When I focus on God, everything else falls into place.

Right now in my life, I can’t work full time AND homeschool my kids. According to my priorities, God comes first and He has given me a husband and kids to care for. My husband comes second, and part of caring for my husband is making sure he has a meal to eat when he gets home. If I’m too exhausted from doing all the things, I am not able to care for him. My children are my #3 priority and I believe that the best I can give them is a stay-at-home mom and for now, homeschooling. Are there days I want to go out and work at a job? Sure! But, I know that 18 years will fly by and when they are out on their own, I can do whatever I want with my time. Right now, work takes the #4 or #5 position in my life. After I’ve completed my role as Mom, work may earn a new rank on my list.

#2 You can do “it all” just not all at the same time. Someone I know recently wrote a post about balance vs. juggling. It was her theory that it is better to juggle rather than balance. I won’t go into the whole thing, but this just sounds so exhausting to me. Juggling sounds like a lot of work trying to keep all those balls in the air. And what happens when you get tired? You fall, and ALL the balls fall on you. No, I don’t think you can juggle constantly without completely crashing, letting yourself down and anyone else who depends on you.

The world tells women that we can do it all. I agree. We live in a world with so many resources, that we can do almost anything our hearts desire. And when you have God on your side, you really CAN do it all. In the Bible, the apostle Paul says, “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians‬ ‭4:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What Paul was actually talking about is that whatever God gives him, be it a little or a lot, he can be content. That is balance.

While the world also tells us we can do everything, what it doesn’t tell you is that a) You DON’T HAVE TO Do everything. And b) If you want to do it all, you can’t do it all at the same time. You cannot run a marathon and cook a gourmet meal at the same time. You can’t work a full time job and be home full time with your kids. You will either work 50% and be home with your kids 50%, or you’ll be working 100% OR home with your kids 100%. There is no such thing as 200% or 300% or 600%. You only get 100%, and you have to decide how to spend it.

#3 Don’t multi-task. Multi-tasking is like juggling. All those balls in the air. It’s a lot of work for only a small percentage of care for each ball.

I don’t like to multi-task. Instead, I prefer to be 100% in whatever I am doing at the moment, even if it is a short moment. I am not spending quality time with my kids if I’m listening with one ear and looking at my phone. If I’m working, I work. If I’m with my kids, I’m with my kids. When my kids are occupied or asleep, then I work.

#4 Saying, “No”, is ok. Learn to say, “No” to the right things and “Yes” to the right things. Sometimes we say, “Yes” to good things, but we need to say, “Yes” to the right things, not EVERY thing. We may be qualified for it all, but that doesn’t mean we should be DOING it all.

#5 Rest is not an option, it’s a must. To many, rest sounds like an impossibility. Taking a day off from all work sometimes is just not an option! Especially if you’re a parent. There’s always work to be done. But rest can be found. In fact, the same way you have to make time for the things that matter, you often have to make time to rest.

In fact, God commands us to rest, in the same way He commands us not to steal or murder or commit adultery. Keeping your focus on God means you make time for rest, which also means you take care of yourself. Read more about how to make self-care a part of your routine in Lisa’s post.

#6 Plan ahead and be ready to adjust as needed. When you plan ahead and make sure that you have time for everyone and everything you have committed to, sometimes it looks good on paper but in reality is way too much. Adjust! Sometimes, we have extra time and we can add in an extra thing easily. Adjust! It’s ok to deviate from the plan to make sure that our priorities stay in order and we’re not going to burn out. And when we have extra time, then we can add something in!

#7 Balance does not mean that everything is perfect. Right now, I feel pretty balanced in my life. I spend time each day reading the Bible and praying, I serve at my church on Sundays and from home helping with social media, I take care of my husband in the ways I know he needs me, my kids are happy, healthy, and educated, and I am involved in the things I love while also making ample time to rest. But, the past couple weeks have been busy, so my house isn’t as clean as I’d like. And here’s the thing, that is ok! I know that in the next couple days I will have time to clean, and my kids can help as part of their chores. If I had no time in my schedule to clean, then I would consider this out of balance, because a clean house is part of taking care of my family – priority #2.

Balance doesn’t mean that everything is perfect all the time, but it means that there is white space around the responsibilities I have so that I can maintain my life with hard work but without burning out. It means that when something extra gets thrown in (a flat tire, or a sick kid) I am not pushed over the edge because I didn’t make room for flexibility. Balance means putting my life in order so I can stand confident before God, my family, and the mirror knowing that I am doing the right things in life in the right order. The guilt goes away, the anxiety lessens, and the stress dissipates. I am free to love God and others the way God intended, and be a servant instead of a beggar.

Balance means finding joy in life because the pressure is not too much and I am clear-headed, being able to move from one task to the next without worrying what I’m forgetting. Balance means trusting in God to take care of the details because my focus is on Him and He will make all my paths straight. Balance is not impossible. Balance is able to be found if you just put your focus in the right place.

We want to hear about the challenges you have with finding balance in your life!

Love + Blessings,

Jill

The Real Secret to Showing Up Your Best

“If you don’t take care of your body where will you live?” -Unknown

43BD5F9F-8DB3-4BCE-A91E-52AADAF5B2FDHave you ever given something so much time and attention that it became a problem? And contrary, have you ever neglected something so greatly it became an even bigger problem? Lets dive into something that could easily fall into either of those categories…lets talk SELF-CARE!

Such a buzzword recently,  self-care can mean so many different things.  I am going to keep it super surface and define it as the habits and things that keep us from looking and feeling a HOT mess.  All this can easily become all-consuming and create unnecessary distraction or a false sense of happiness.  That is NOT our goal.  Likewise, if you have gone years neglecting yourself (for a career, caring for kids, etc.) your lack of self-care I am sure is negatively affecting you. Want to know the secret to keeping it in the middle?  ROUTINE!!  Okay, there are more like three secrets: ROUTINE, SUSTAINABILITY and MOTIVATION.

ROUTINE

It is the secret sauce to life as an adult (generally speaking) and the category of self-care is not exempt. Having a routine that is specific to you and works with your schedule is key. This routine and the habits should be something you start to look forward to, things that not only keep the hot mess wolf away from the door but also leave you feeling refreshed!

Wednesday is the day I typically do weekly “preventative maintenance” (for a lack of a better term). It’s the day I have the least going on and I am at our house most of the day. An example of how I weave this into my day looks like this: I wake up, remove my old nail polish, shower, apply a self tanner after, give my nails a quick coat, pop in a Whitestrip and carry on with my day in yoga pants while everything dries and processes. It typically takes me thirty minutes. I have a daily morning and evening routine involving a few simple, inexpensive products. I also have a routine for health. I workout 3-4 times a week and take some daily supplements. More to come on that in future posts.

SUSTAINABILITY

A self-care routine (be it daily, weekly or monthly) should be sustainable. The goal is to make this a regular thing. The products you use, the money you spend and the time it takes needs to be a part of your financial budget and work with your schedule. We are a military family, unique in a way because we have not had to move very much. But life gets shaken up often and our family dynamic can change on a dime as my husband comes and goes with his job. Jumping in and out of the role of a single parent is hard. The first thing on the list to go for most people would probably be self-care. If the routine is easy enough you will hold on to it, and it will really help you! I chose products that are simple and agree with me. Tan towels, one-step night cream, easy DIY my hair and nail color but all are simple, budget friendly and I can order everything on Amazon. No matter where we live or travel to, how busy I get, or how our budget ebbs or flows… my self-care is SUSTAINABLE!!!

MOTIVATION

No matter what season of life you are in, I encourage you to stop today and evaluate how you are caring for yourself and the ripple effect (positive or negative) that has on your life. Your confidence, ability to focus on those who need you, energy level, overall health – are all things that should MOTIVATE you to incorporate a healthy level of self-care into your life. I love the quote by unknown “If you don’t take care of your body where will you live?” Obviously, there are many other parts and types of self-care, but the little simple things that keep our physical shell up and running well can be easily accomplished when the right motivation is found. At the end of the day, whether it’s a corporate setting, a stay at home mom setting, a volunteer setting… we all want to show up and give our best! This includes looking and feeling your best. What few, small things can you start doing to better care for yourself no matter where you live or what season of life you are growing in? Want to know more about my go-to products? I would love to put together a post!! Let me know in the comments below.

Chat and stay a while.

Live well and FINISH STRONG,

Lisa

 

 

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If You Visit Survival Mode, Don’t Stay Long.

My Tuesday THRIVAL Mode Muffins w/ Maple Glaze

I’ve always loved writing. It is probably my preferred method of communication, and when I get in the zone writing is to me as I would imagine playing the piano is to a concert pianist. The words flow out of my fingers effortlessly as I think and feel, and I am able to express myself using language in a way that has always felt natural to me.

When we started this blog, I was so excited to be able to stretch myself in writing, and have objectives and subjects to write about and share my opinions and odds and ends that I have learned over the years. So for my first topical post, I wanted to write about thriving instead of surviving. Of course, it was Easter weekend and time got away from me, energy slipped away, and when I did get to sit down at my computer, it was like I was bumping into a wall.

How do I put what I know into words? So, I quickly typed up all I could think of in order to get a draft ready for Heidi and Lisa to proof.

And then, like clockwork, yesterday happened. I woke up in a foul mood, totally unmotivated and worn out. All I wanted to do was get back in bed. And then the thoughts began: “You want to write about thriving and here you are, barely able to get through your day”.

The good in this is that with this topic fresh in my mind, I was able to put this into practice. I would not climb back in bed. I would not let my kids sit inside all day. I have mouths to feed and minds to shape, I have hearts to love and hands to hold. I have a God who is greater than my inability to handle life when I’m worn out.

I’ll tell you, yesterday did not go perfectly and I stumbled through it, but I did not settle for survival mode. Instead I chose THRIVAL mode. In the inspiring words of Elisabeth Elliott, I just “[did] the next thing”. I may have complained a bit to my husband, I may have not been the most patient with my kids, but I got them dressed, fed them, took them outside. We painted nails. I made muffins. We ate muffins. My husband came home from work and we went to our church’s community group. It wasn’t my finest day, and this may not be my finest piece of writing, but I pray that you’ll bare with me, because THRIVAL mode doesn’t mean perfect.

Here’s the thing: womanhood can be really confusing.  In one moment we are told to have it all together and never let them see us sweat, and in the next moment our eyes are full of Internet images with parodies and memes about wine, sweatpants, dry shampoo, overeating and not wanting to get out of bed.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good glass of wine in my sweatpants after a long day!  I also fully believe in God’s mandate for us to rest, but there is a tremendous difference between rest and gluttony/laziness.  

Another theme that is pervasive with women in culture today is the conflicting notion that in pregnancy, we are so excited and celebratory.  Then, baby is born and we’re all smiles, filling instagram feeds with an overload of pictures.  Somewhere around toddlerhood (and in a lot of cases baby #2) we fall into this pit of, “What a difficult pain motherhood is”.  Suddenly, because of my relentless motherhood season, I have an excuse to complain and look a HOT mess, neglecting myself and my spouse and we call it “survival mode”.

It’s not just moms that end up in this mode.  Many women find life to be simply too overwhelming.  Instead of recognizing it and adjusting course (by looking to God and other wise women for support) they settle for less than excellence, “survival mode”.

I have been in survival mode more times than I care to count.  I would describe it as this feeling of holding on for dear life.  One wrong move, or one more added thing might push me off the edge.  It’s not a fun place to be.  It’s a needy place to be.  It’s a feeling of not being able to help anyone else because I can’t even help myself.  I don’t like being there.  For me, survival mode often turns into anxiety and depression.

As a military spouse, I can say with confidence, there are absolutely times that survival mode is necessary.  There are things in life that can throw us off course and take us by surprise, okay SHOCK, and it’s in these moments just breathing seems difficult.  The things that nightmares are made of, that actually happen in real life can often leave us clinging to Jesus and holding on for dear life, because we’re drowning.  In these moments, just staying upright is what we are supposed to do, full on true survival.  The closer we grow to God, the less and less even the worst situations can shake us.

Of course, most of life is not a crisis.  Most of life is day-to-day challenges and stress that all human beings face, and as women we often turn our normal life struggles into an excuse to eat a tub of ice cream and stay on the couch.  We call it survival mode.  Or maybe we’re moms that hand our kids a tablet and some chicken nuggets and call this survival mode.  These things are ok in moderation and we have to give ourselves grace! If we stay in survival mode too long, we can forget that we are made to do more than we think possible.

When at the end of your rope, you have a choice and one you may not realize is even an option. Obviously,  “survival mode” is one or we can lean into God and begin to act in faith.  When you feel like your gas tank is on E and daily task seem impossible, start with a simple prayer and select one Bible verse to memorize and meditate on.  Next, its time to act!  We can throw up our dirty hair into a bun, slap on some lipstick, and keep going.  We don’t have to be perfect to get out of survival mode.  We just have to decide to start improving.  This is no longer survival mode…this is THRIVAL MODE!

THRIVAL Mode, to me, is more what God intended for us as women.  In the book of John in The Bible, Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”  John‬ ‭10:10-15‬ ‭ESV‬

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”

John 10:10-15 The Bible, English Standard Version

 

When you prioritize your relationship with Jesus, you have no need for survival mode. He leads you exactly where you need to go, and allows you rest when you need it (if you choose to take it).  With God, He allows you thrive no matter what life throws at you, as you are living with an eternal perspective.  It’s no longer about what you have and how good you can do something but what are you doing and why.   

Who or what are you following?  Are you worn out from comparing your life to what you see on social media?  Are you trying to do it all on your own?  Are you relying on a community of people you trust?  Are you too busy and living without margin in your life?  Do you always feel less than, so you default to survival mode?  I assure you, you are where you are supposed to be and God has the strength and energy you need to be the woman He has made you to be.  Is your house perfectly clean?  Maybe, maybe not.  Are your relationships perfect?  Are you the best at your job?  Maybe, maybe not.  Are you pushing forward even when it gets tough?  Yes.  Do you refuse to give up?  Yes.  Are you leaning on God to allow you to take on more than you can handle alone?  Yes.  THIS is THRIVAL mode.  THRIVAL mode isn’t about having every i dotted and t crossed.  THRIVAL mode is living in the goodness and abundance that God offers in this life, and being able to serve others while being salt and light in this world.  It means loving our family and friends well and working hard and walking by faith and not by fear. 

THRIVAL mode means having the courage to try, to go and do even if we’re not perfect at it.  Women in THRIVAL mode say, “yes” to the right things and “no” to the right things.  Women in THRIVAL mode don’t give up when things don’t go their way, but they get back up and go at it again.  Women in THRIVAL mode ask for help when they need it and help others when they need it.  THRIVAL mode means less whining and more smiling.  THRIVAL mode is where we should strive to be.

We are women and we have so much to offer.  we cannot be all God made us to be if we constantly live in survival mode.  Let’s be women in THRIVAL mode.  Let’s keep our heads high, take the next step, and thrive.

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:28-31 The Bible, English Standard Version

Love,

Jill

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This is How Estherly.

Strength + Beauty … for just a time as this.

My Family (from left to right): Andy, Addison, McKenna, Liberty, Me, and Eleanor

Spirit lead me… these are the words to one of my favorite Christian songs of the past decade, and it is a song that was prophetic for me during one of the hardest times for our family – my husband’s deployment to Afghanistan.  The lyrics also echo Galatians 5:15 that says, “Stay in step with the spirit” – a verse that a dear friend of mine brought to my attention at a dynamic turning point in my life. I had no idea what that meant at the time, and it was through seeking the Lord to find answers, that He broke through and opened my eyes to a new level of who He is and what He can do in our lives.  

As I sat down to draft this introduction of who I am and what I hope to share with you, these words by Hillsong came to me again.  Spirit lead me. Lord, help me to share in a way that will be engaging and interesting and truthful and woven together with love and life and goodness.

There’s so much I could say about myself- from how I was raised, to my years of running from God in search of relief from emotional pain, to my marriage and finding myself in motherhood and raising four girls, but I hope to share much of this with you in future blog posts on How Estherly.

For now, I’d like to share the vision I have for this blog that has been created by three friends who bring such giftings and depth and a heart for women.  How Estherly was born almost effortlessly through many text messages, Facebook collaborations, and play dates. It was one of a million ideas that jump through my mind, and there were two women I immediately thought of teaming up with to make the idea a reality.  So I asked, and they were on board. We are three military wives, each from a different branch of service, each with two or more kids. Our heart is to share our journeys with you, in hopes that we can help lighten the load that is womanhood. That we can share some of what we’ve learned and hope to redefine feminism for this generation.

Women are a beautiful creation, and we were made for such gloriousness.  We don’t want to see this get lost as the pressures mount to be everything to everyone.  We have the potential to be so much more. God made us specifically for a purpose. We are strong and soft, honest and kind, faithful and brave.  Our friends need us. Our husbands need us. Our kids need us. Our world needs us.

I’d like to introduce you to our brand of womanhood. The Estherly Women. I am excited you are here.

God bless you and buckle up.

Love,

Jill