“If you don’t take care of your body where will you live?” -Unknown
Have you ever given something so much time and attention that it became a problem? And contrary, have you ever neglected something so greatly it became an even bigger problem? Lets dive into something that could easily fall into either of those categories…lets talk SELF-CARE!
Such a buzzword recently, self-care can mean so many different things. I am going to keep it super surface and define it as the habits and things that keep us from looking and feeling a HOT mess. All this can easily become all-consuming and create unnecessary distraction or a false sense of happiness. That is NOT our goal. Likewise, if you have gone years neglecting yourself (for a career, caring for kids, etc.) your lack of self-care I am sure is negatively affecting you. Want to know the secret to keeping it in the middle? ROUTINE!! Okay, there are more like three secrets: ROUTINE, SUSTAINABILITY and MOTIVATION.
ROUTINE
It is the secret sauce to life as an adult (generally speaking) and the category of self-care is not exempt. Having a routine that is specific to you and works with your schedule is key. This routine and the habits should be something you start to look forward to, things that not only keep the hot mess wolf away from the door but also leave you feeling refreshed!
Wednesday is the day I typically do weekly “preventative maintenance” (for a lack of a better term). It’s the day I have the least going on and I am at our house most of the day. An example of how I weave this into my day looks like this: I wake up, remove my old nail polish, shower, apply a self tanner after, give my nails a quick coat, pop in a Whitestrip and carry on with my day in yoga pants while everything dries and processes. It typically takes me thirty minutes. I have a daily morning and evening routine involving a few simple, inexpensive products. I also have a routine for health. I workout 3-4 times a week and take some daily supplements. More to come on that in future posts.
SUSTAINABILITY
A self-care routine (be it daily, weekly or monthly) should be sustainable. The goal is to make this a regular thing. The products you use, the money you spend and the time it takes needs to be a part of your financial budget and work with your schedule. We are a military family, unique in a way because we have not had to move very much. But life gets shaken up often and our family dynamic can change on a dime as my husband comes and goes with his job. Jumping in and out of the role of a single parent is hard. The first thing on the list to go for most people would probably be self-care. If the routine is easy enough you will hold on to it, and it will really help you! I chose products that are simple and agree with me. Tan towels, one-step night cream, easy DIY my hair and nail color but all are simple, budget friendly and I can order everything on Amazon. No matter where we live or travel to, how busy I get, or how our budget ebbs or flows… my self-care is SUSTAINABLE!!!
MOTIVATION
No matter what season of life you are in, I encourage you to stop today and evaluate how you are caring for yourself and the ripple effect (positive or negative) that has on your life. Your confidence, ability to focus on those who need you, energy level, overall health – are all things that should MOTIVATE you to incorporate a healthy level of self-care into your life. I love the quote by unknown “If you don’t take care of your body where will you live?” Obviously, there are many other parts and types of self-care, but the little simple things that keep our physical shell up and running well can be easily accomplished when the right motivation is found. At the end of the day, whether it’s a corporate setting, a stay at home mom setting, a volunteer setting… we all want to show up and give our best! This includes looking and feeling your best. What few, small things can you start doing to better care for yourself no matter where you live or what season of life you are growing in? Want to know more about my go-to products? I would love to put together a post!! Let me know in the comments below.
Chat and stay a while.
Live well and FINISH STRONG,
Lisa
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I’ve always loved writing. It is probably my preferred method of communication, and when I get in the zone writing is to me as I would imagine playing the piano is to a concert pianist. The words flow out of my fingers effortlessly as I think and feel, and I am able to express myself using language in a way that has always felt natural to me.
When we started this blog, I was so excited to be able to stretch myself in writing, and have objectives and subjects to write about and share my opinions and odds and ends that I have learned over the years. So for my first topical post, I wanted to write about thriving instead of surviving. Of course, it was Easter weekend and time got away from me, energy slipped away, and when I did get to sit down at my computer, it was like I was bumping into a wall.
How do I put what I know into words? So, I quickly typed up all I could think of in order to get a draft ready for Heidi and Lisa to proof.
And then, like clockwork, yesterday happened. I woke up in a foul mood, totally unmotivated and worn out. All I wanted to do was get back in bed. And then the thoughts began: “You want to write about thriving and here you are, barely able to get through your day”.
The good in this is that with this topic fresh in my mind, I was able to put this into practice. I would not climb back in bed. I would not let my kids sit inside all day. I have mouths to feed and minds to shape, I have hearts to love and hands to hold. I have a God who is greater than my inability to handle life when I’m worn out.
I’ll tell you, yesterday did not go perfectly and I stumbled through it, but I did not settle for survival mode. Instead I chose THRIVAL mode. In the inspiring words of Elisabeth Elliott, I just “[did] the next thing”. I may have complained a bit to my husband, I may have not been the most patient with my kids, but I got them dressed, fed them, took them outside. We painted nails. I made muffins. We ate muffins. My husband came home from work and we went to our church’s community group. It wasn’t my finest day, and this may not be my finest piece of writing, but I pray that you’ll bare with me, because THRIVAL mode doesn’t mean perfect.
Here’s the thing: womanhood can be really confusing. In one moment we are told to have it all together and never let them see us sweat, and in the next moment our eyes are full of Internet images with parodies and memes about wine, sweatpants, dry shampoo, overeating and not wanting to get out of bed.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good glass of wine in my sweatpants after a long day! I also fully believe in God’s mandate for us to rest, but there is a tremendous difference between rest and gluttony/laziness.
Another theme that is pervasive with women in culture today is the conflicting notion that in pregnancy, we are so excited and celebratory. Then, baby is born and we’re all smiles, filling instagram feeds with an overload of pictures. Somewhere around toddlerhood (and in a lot of cases baby #2) we fall into this pit of, “What a difficult pain motherhood is”. Suddenly, because of my relentless motherhood season, I have an excuse to complain and look a HOT mess, neglecting myself and my spouse and we call it “survival mode”.
It’s not just moms that end up in this mode. Many women find life to be simply too overwhelming. Instead of recognizing it and adjusting course (by looking to God and other wise women for support) they settle for less than excellence, “survival mode”.
I have been in survival mode more times than I care to count. I would describe it as this feeling of holding on for dear life. One wrong move, or one more added thing might push me off the edge. It’s not a fun place to be. It’s a needy place to be. It’s a feeling of not being able to help anyone else because I can’t even help myself. I don’t like being there. For me, survival mode often turns into anxiety and depression.
As a military spouse, I can say with confidence, there are absolutely times that survival mode is necessary. There are things in life that can throw us off course and take us by surprise, okay SHOCK, and it’s in these moments just breathing seems difficult. The things that nightmares are made of, that actually happen in real life can often leave us clinging to Jesus and holding on for dear life, because we’re drowning. In these moments, just staying upright is what we are supposed to do, full on true survival. The closer we grow to God, the less and less even the worst situations can shake us.
Of course, most of life is not a crisis. Most of life is day-to-day challenges and stress that all human beings face, and as women we often turn our normal life struggles into an excuse to eat a tub of ice cream and stay on the couch. We call it survival mode. Or maybe we’re moms that hand our kids a tablet and some chicken nuggets and call this survival mode. These things are ok in moderation and we have to give ourselves grace! If we stay in survival mode too long, we can forget that we are made to do more than we think possible.
When at the end of your rope, you have a choice and one you may not realize is even an option. Obviously, “survival mode” is one or we can lean into God and begin to act in faith. When you feel like your gas tank is on E and daily task seem impossible, start with a simple prayer and select one Bible verse to memorize and meditate on. Next, its time to act! We can throw up our dirty hair into a bun, slap on some lipstick, and keep going. We don’t have to be perfect to get out of survival mode. We just have to decide to start improving. This is no longer survival mode…this is THRIVAL MODE!
THRIVAL Mode, to me, is more what God intended for us as women. In the book of John in The Bible, Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.” John 10:10-15 ESV
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”
John 10:10-15 The Bible, English Standard Version
When you prioritize your relationship with Jesus, you have no need for survival mode. He leads you exactly where you need to go, and allows you rest when you need it (if you choose to take it). With God, He allows you thrive no matter what life throws at you, as you are living with an eternal perspective. It’s no longer about what you have and how good you can do something but what are you doing and why.
Who or what are you following? Are you worn out from comparing your life to what you see on social media? Are you trying to do it all on your own? Are you relying on a community of people you trust? Are you too busy and living without margin in your life? Do you always feel less than, so you default to survival mode? I assure you, you are where you are supposed to be and God has the strength and energy you need to be the woman He has made you to be. Is your house perfectly clean? Maybe, maybe not. Are your relationships perfect? Are you the best at your job? Maybe, maybe not. Are you pushing forward even when it gets tough? Yes. Do you refuse to give up? Yes. Are you leaning on God to allow you to take on more than you can handle alone? Yes. THIS is THRIVAL mode. THRIVAL mode isn’t about having every i dotted and t crossed. THRIVAL mode is living in the goodness and abundance that God offers in this life, and being able to serve others while being salt and light in this world. It means loving our family and friends well and working hard and walking by faith and not by fear.
THRIVAL mode means having the courage to try, to go and do even if we’re not perfect at it. Women in THRIVAL mode say, “yes” to the right things and “no” to the right things. Women in THRIVAL mode don’t give up when things don’t go their way, but they get back up and go at it again. Women in THRIVAL mode ask for help when they need it and help others when they need it. THRIVAL mode means less whining and more smiling. THRIVAL mode is where we should strive to be.
We are women and we have so much to offer. we cannot be all God made us to be if we constantly live in survival mode. Let’s be women in THRIVAL mode. Let’s keep our heads high, take the next step, and thrive.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:28-31 The Bible, English Standard Version
Love,
Jill
*Disclaimer: This blog post contains a link to a product that I used and liked. How Estherly does not earn commission from this product mention, however there are other affiliate links on this blog that do earn commission to support How Estherly.
My Family (from left to right): Andy, Addison, McKenna, Liberty, Me, and Eleanor
Spirit lead me… these are the words to one of my favorite Christian songs of the past decade, and it is a song that was prophetic for me during one of the hardest times for our family – my husband’s deployment to Afghanistan. The lyrics also echo Galatians 5:15 that says, “Stay in step with the spirit” – a verse that a dear friend of mine brought to my attention at a dynamic turning point in my life. I had no idea what that meant at the time, and it was through seeking the Lord to find answers, that He broke through and opened my eyes to a new level of who He is and what He can do in our lives.
As I sat down to draft this introduction of who I am and what I hope to share with you, these words by Hillsong came to me again. Spirit lead me. Lord, help me to share in a way that will be engaging and interesting and truthful and woven together with love and life and goodness.
There’s so much I could say about myself- from how I was raised, to my years of running from God in search of relief from emotional pain, to my marriage and finding myself in motherhood and raising four girls, but I hope to share much of this with you in future blog posts on How Estherly.
For now, I’d like to share the vision I have for this blog that has been created by three friends who bring such giftings and depth and a heart for women. How Estherly was born almost effortlessly through many text messages, Facebook collaborations, and play dates. It was one of a million ideas that jump through my mind, and there were two women I immediately thought of teaming up with to make the idea a reality. So I asked, and they were on board. We are three military wives, each from a different branch of service, each with two or more kids. Our heart is to share our journeys with you, in hopes that we can help lighten the load that is womanhood. That we can share some of what we’ve learned and hope to redefine feminism for this generation.
Women are a beautiful creation, and we were made for such gloriousness. We don’t want to see this get lost as the pressures mount to be everything to everyone. We have the potential to be so much more. God made us specifically for a purpose. We are strong and soft, honest and kind, faithful and brave. Our friends need us. Our husbands need us. Our kids need us. Our world needs us.
I’d like to introduce you to our brand of womanhood. The Estherly Women. I am excited you are here.
Trust me, I would much rather be called a homemaker than an interior decorator.
Home… This is a word to describe feelings, a place of comfort, a place of nurture. Is that what you thought of as well, or was it the four walls that surround you in your house, or the town you grew up in? Well I believe it can be all those things, and I want to describe and encourage you to create and grow that place of home.
For so long I have been fascinated by homes, which led me to my Bachelors degree in Interior Design. But to me, design has been so much more than just the floor plan and decor. We are creating a home, and this involves researching what people do in their homes to create the spaces they love. I love creating a space where I feel the comfort of my routine, aesthetics, and the people who surround me…and that happens with more than just paint colors and pretty decor. Trust me, I would much rather be called a homemaker than an interior decorator. The word home means so much to me and I plan to share everything I can about what it means to me and to define it so many ways you may never have thought. Of course, I will also share some of my favorite design tips for your home and my homemaker routines.
I am the proud wife to my husband, Nick, and we have two young boys, Jack and Maxton. Our home is filled with love, chaos, fun, and most importantly a growing faith as a family. It’s almost always VERY LOUD as I don’t believe my boys came with a volume control. We are an Active Duty military family (Marine Corps) currently living in Washington, DC and we love traveling and exploring our area. Our life has been thrown way off OUR plan of course many times due to this military life, and some family struggles with difficult diagnosis, adding more to our hectic lives as parents of young ones. These are daily reminders for us that we are following the Lord’s plan, and not our own. It was these struggles that have brought us even closer and stronger in our faith. I love sharing about our story, and things that have helped us with some of these struggles that are unique to this lifestyle.
When I first moved to DC, I prayed hard that I would find other women who were like-minded, had a love of Jesus, and valued the family structure that we do. These two ladies (Lisa and Jill, co-founders of How Estherly) were my answer to that prayer. I love the friendship we have made, and the encouragement is like nothing else. These women are strong, faithful, caring, intelligent, and downright hilarious (BIG BONUS WIN). So when we discussed what we wanted from this blog, it made so much sense to name it “How Estherly.” I love everything about this project, and I am so excited to share with each of you, and truly hope you enjoy all that we have for you!
***No idea how I made it through this whole intro, without the word y’all. Seriously, y’all, —that’s a whole lot of punctuation going on and I have no idea if any of it is even right—this is what you can expect from us, imperfection, real, creative, lots of Jesus, and the word y’all!
Hey Friends, Readers, Y’all…I’m from Georgia so we’ll go with y’all! Hey Y’all! Okay, so here is the hard part about writing for me, writing about myself. Isn’t it funny how one little thing can unveil so many insecurities?? First things first, I know who I am and why I am here! I am Lisa and I am here to glorify God. I am also a wife and a mommy to four sweet kiddos, and we are a military family. I have been on this earth (now closer to forty years than thirty…that’s scary) and oh how rich the years have been! I have grown to love wife life and mommyhood more than I ever thought I would. The Lord has deeply blessed my family and me, but life is never just lollipops and rainbows.
When my husband and I were first married, nobody expressed to me how hard navigating life with another human would be, let alone adding four more little humans and a military career to the mix!! I have been to hell and back with that man, in the trenches, hard moments for sure. Along the way, I’ve realized the value in giving myself margins (in areas of time, health, self-care, etc) and I have found some incredible joy in talking about and encouraging others in this area.
I’ve revamped the saying “fill your cup first so you can pour into others”, as wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, how about starting with just having a cup and what that looks like! God has graciously given us all so much. Life, for me, is viewed with an eternal perspective. Moving past and outside of myself, I want to do nothing more than glorify Him! The content I share may seem surface, but please know and understand my heart and where I am coming from. Faith first, always! Keeping the little daily logistical things (how a house runs, looks…what you wear after having a baby, I could go on) in check by being proactive is what I love sharing about. I am so thankful you are here and I hope this blesses you!
“Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative of the dignity of my high vocation, and its many responsibilities. Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience.”
Mother Teresa
Women are incredible human beings. We are made in the image of God and we have unique gifts and talents and abilities. We are incredibly strong and have great power.
It seems that some of what it means to be woman has been confused by this world we live in. Voices tell us that to be successful in womanhood, it must look this way or that way. That to elevate womanhood means stepping on our male counterparts. Just the word ‘feminism’ has taken on a strange connotation that seems to include one view of womanhood that is considered liberal and progressive.
When we look back in history, we see these beautiful and dynamic examples of women who were strong yet humble. They knew when to speak and when to listen. They took pride in who God made them to be and where He placed them in this world, and they did not waste the opportunities at their feet.
Eve, the mother of all humans was not perfect by any stretch but she braved the new world God had created. Queen Esther faced death and went boldly before the king to save her people. Abigail Adams educated herself, raised her four children, and supported her husband’s political endeavors. Mother Teresa followed her calling to care for the poorest in the world and inspire millions. Rosa Parks actually sat for what was right, and was a symbol of strength and courage for all the generations after her.
These women are just a few examples of what we are calling “estherly” women. Women we can learn from, look up to. Women who paved the way for the women of today.
We are three military wives who love Jesus, love our husbands and families, and love being women! We hope to inspire and encourage women from all walks of life with love, humor, and life hacks to help make womanhood a more joyful, abundant experience. We hope that together we can redefine what it means to be female, and raise one another up in life.
Being a woman does not mean that we have to be like men. It doesn’t mean that we have to bend to stereotypes or what the world tells us we are to be. Being a woman means courageously loving God and the people He has put in our lives. It means working hard and being strong in faith, and handling challenges with grace and dignity. Being a woman means passing on a legacy to our daughters and younger generations so that when we stand at the end of our lives, we can look back and see how other women have been strengthened because of us.
We hope that you’ll join us on this journey and engage with us as we write together and do life together. We hope that you will send your friends, sisters, mothers, daughters our way so we can build a community of like-minded women who are not afraid to stand up for what it really means to be female.
Thank you for joining us sisters.
We look forward to sharing our hearts with you.
“How Estherly. Strength + beauty … for just a time as this”.
Have you ever given something so much time and attention that it became a problem? And contrary, have you ever neglected something so greatly it became an even bigger problem? Lets dive into something that could easily fall into either of those categories…lets talk SELF-CARE!
