Why Spring is a tough time for military families.
Spring is my favorite season. It starts getting warm, the flowers are blooming, there are baby animals, and it gives me this new energy and excitement that summer is coming! Spring brings with it new opportunity, and refreshment from the cold and gray of winter.
Spring is also a really hard time for me. As the wife of an Air Force officer, spring means more than just seasons changing. Spring means loss. Spring means challenge. Spring means work.
Spring marks the beginning of PCS season for military families. PCS stands for Permanent Change of Station. You know the military is all about acronyms. Permanent Change of Station means that families all across the world pack up their lives and move to a new geographical location based on the needs of the military. Our family PCSes (It’s a noun and also a verb) on average every two years, but we go through PCS season every year.
Right now, many of the friends I have made at this station do not know if they will be here in a couple months. The military does not always allow for advanced notice. This means they don’t know what house they will be living in, what schools their kids will be going to, if they can keep or get a job, among many other unknowns. And I don’t know if we will live near each other anymore.
The ones who know they are moving this summer are now working on finding housing at their new assignment, looking for jobs and schools, and arranging for movers, purging and packing all their belongings. Some families have to leave pets – and even children – in some circumstances. They have to leave friends and communities, and watch their kids do the same.
And then, there are those who don’t move. The ones like my family this year – who get left behind. We are not moving this summer, which is a blessing, but it is also very difficult. Every year we have not moved is like watching a parade of moving trucks arriving and leaving, and goodbyes and hugs and tears. As the kids get older it is harder for them to watch their friends leave and not know if or when they will see them again.
So far, we are losing at least two of our favorite families – maybe three or four or five. My oldest daughter is losing her best friend. Although technology and good ol’ snail mail can help us stay in touch, it is still difficult to realize the physical community we have loved for two years is going to look a lot different – again.
But with the loss also comes gain. New families will move to the area, and new friends will be made. New connections will be found and those who stay will deepen our relationships with each other. Just like spring, there will be rain but also sun.
For our family, this spring brings the additional uncertainty of a looming deployment. My husband will be deploying this fall, and once again those familiar feelings of not knowing what those six months will look like have returned. This time, the kids are older which is both rain and sun, because they can help me more, but they also are more aware of the void of their father being gone. This spring is the beginning of the preparation for him to leave. New uniforms and gear, training dates, family time labeled “before he goes”, paperwork including wills and power of attorney, going away parties, and planning for while he’s gone.
As spring goes on, and plans come together, and families leave and families arrive, we are reminded that a house is not a home, that geographical location does not determine friendship, and that God is always in control no matter what change is about to happen in our lives.
Our husbands serve so that we can be safe and sound in America. And those women who serve do the same as they put their own wants and needs aside for the good of others. Service before self. Military families know that life is not always easy but that our service and our challenges have a purpose.
I know when my husband deploys, he is doing what he signed up to do. It is my honor to support my country by supporting him and caring for our kids while he’s gone – even though I have to remind myself of this at times. I know when my friends leave, I am not losing them if I make it a priority to stay in touch. When I watch my kids hurt because of the challenges they face, I know that with proper comfort and guidance they will be made stronger through adversity.
I know that when it is our turn to leave, that it will be difficult to say goodbye, but that this adventure is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and we will be blessed in each new assignment.
I have made some of my best friends on this journey, and I have experienced a lot of heartache. I don’t always know the best or right way to handle this unique military life, but I press on because I know that serving others is what life is all about. I know that sacrifice is good for the soul, and that our country would not be what it is without people who are willing to struggle in pursuit of goodness.
This spring and summer, if you meet a military member, spouse, or family, please give them a hug. They might be leaving, they might be staying. They might have a spouse or parent deployed. They might be waiting for deployment. They might have just lost a friend. They might be on the way to a new adventure. They might be in the middle of the unknown. We, the military families of America are facing challenges this spring. We need you. Our kids need you. Sometimes a hug is all it takes to let a service-member or service-family know they are not alone.