Thrive – How Estherly

Where Everyone is Free

There’s a place that exists where every single human no matter their rank or station is of equal worth and highest value. There is a place where things like gender and skin color have no power to separate and subjugate and discriminate. There is a place where children and the poor and women thrive, where foreigners and the weak and the lowly are given equivalent standing, where there is no need to “fight the patriarchy” or “tax the rich”. There is no “toxic masculinity” or “me too” movements. Pro-life and pro-choice are unnecessary monikers and “Black Lives Matter” is obvious because white lives matter, brown lives matter, and all shades of skin matter. This place is where men and women walk free and can live in the fullness of peace and joy alongside one another, where we don’t compete or abuse or manipulate.

This place was once a progressive destination, a revolutionary awakening for a people who had lived by survival of the fittest and by satisfying the desires of the flesh. The world was run by the strong and the powerful and the weak and the needy were only objects that could be used for the enjoyment of the elites. Children were sacrificed at will to material gods and sexual desire, along with women who only existed to give men pleasure and populate cities. Death and disease were expected companions of humanity and the world burned with chaos and mayhem.

But then, something happened that no one expected. A man appeared who spoke life to the dead. He gave His Word and He kept it. He made the blind see and the lame walk. He told women they were exactly who they were supposed to be and He set the captives free. He taught husbands and wives to love and cherish marriage. He taught parents to care for their children. He taught that every life is precious. He showed us that race is only a construct. He led humanity to a place where they no longer had to be slaves to their lusts. He made a place for us to reside in a home not made by human hands where nothing gets lost or broken or stolen. Where we can find healing and hope, where faith, hope, and love exist forever and ever.

But the darkness hates the light, because evil hates being exposed. And the author of anarchy knew his time was growing short so he caused those who follow him to destroy this man who brought order to a disordered world. So the man died a torturous death, humiliated and mocked. But His truth had already gone out. His light had already overcome the shadows and His life was too powerful for death. And by defeating sin and death forever, He brought meaning to suffering, goodness to hardship, and became the proof of God’s perfect love. Suddenly, men didn’t need to hurt women and children. They instead believed God and learned to love and became protectors of the weak. Women didn’t need to wish they weren’t female or use their bodies to succeed, but they could rest in who they were made to be, and gladly use their gifts to submit to their Godly authority, and be the cultivators of life and beauty. Children were suddenly seen and cherished and families could grow and flourish. Neighbors could love each other no matter their differences, and communities could grow in peace. Every person could be honored and respected and nations could be free. The devil’s plan had been severely damaged and the world rejoiced as truth, goodness, and beauty filled the land.

But the enemy is a crafty deceiver and he keeps so many blinded to the truth. So people live as though this revolutionary never came to set us free. And they continue on captive as slaves to their flesh. They think that building their kingdom here on earth will keep them safe, but little do they know they are digging their own grave. Little do they know there is a place where they can stop striving. There is a place where they have a perfect king in a perfect government who will never leave them or forsake them. So they try to do things the old way. They regress into death and destruction, helping the prince of this world succeed in his old evil ways.

But for those who are saved, we can see that there is a place where we can be perfected into everything we need for eternity. This place is where there is fullness of life. This place is in Christ. He is the way, the truth, and the life and in Christ, the old way is gone and the new has come. In Christ, we can be free of the law of sin and death, and we can live fully in peace with our fellow man. In this place, we have joy and peace and life abundant. It’s in this place that men do not use those weaker than themselves for pleasure. It’s in this place that women know their intrinsic value and do not need to usurp men to find their place in this world and do not need to allow their bodies to be used as currency. It’s in this place where every child carries the value given by the Father. It’s in this place where we can freely build lives instead of empires, where the weak are made strong and the forgotten are remembered. It’s in this place that we remember we are all parts of one body, and we are one in Christ, in this revolutionary ethic of love. There is no freedom without order, and there is no order without God. Christ Jesus made us free for freedom’s sake and we should never forget the amazing gift of His life, death, and resurrection that brought the world into modern thinking. Without this place in Christ, our world would remain shrouded in darkness and disorder. And in many ways it still is. But if you want to know where is the place that is perfect and complete, it is in Christ. Where everyone is free.

Simone Biles and the problem with being a god

We’ve been through the ringer lately. I mean really. For a people who haven’t experienced real hardship since World War II, we have taken it on the chops the past couple of years. And here it is, 2021, the year when we are supposed to get our lives back, the year when COVID is supposed to be gone, and the year that we take a collective sigh of relief. And with our hopes of returning to some semblance of normalcy, we are looking for bright spots in the landscape that can rejuvenate our spirits. Enter the 2021 summer olympics. Sure, there’s no audience, and the whole event is being threatened by a typhoon, but it’s the Olympics. It’s time for the brightest and best of the world’s athletes to demonstrate their abilities and to celebrate the patriotism of one’s country from which they hail. The Olympics represents the human condition in the best of ways – through displays of hard work, perseverance, mastery, and competition. The Olympics gives us something to get excited about, heroes to root for, and a distraction from the disappointments we may be feeling right now. And one of America’s favorite events? Women’s gymnastics. We love to watch gymnastics because for many people, what these athletes do is unimaginable. How do they seem to fly through the air with ease and actually land on both feet? How are they able to be so flexible and so strong at the same time? We are in awe of their intense focus and superhuman ability. And U.S. gymnasts always make us proud. This year was no different. The gals of the 2021 Olympic women’s gymnastics team fought their way to get to Tokyo – in more ways than one – braving their sport through qualifying competitions and sexual abuse trauma, a worldwide pandemic, and one even had a parent granted a delay to her prison sentence so she could see her daughter compete. We all watched closely as the beautiful team of Americans began competing for gold. And we especially were watching the one named Simone Biles, who many referred to as the GOAT. The greatest gymnast of all time.

But, Simone will not be bringing home any medals this year. She uncharacteristically faltered on a couple routines, and pulled out of the team competition, followed by the individual competition, citing mental health concerns. Her teammates will go on without her. The internet exploded into a frenzy of opinions on whether she was a coward or a hero, and the debates broke out. I remained silent on the issue as I watched a person be torn apart and also glorified by people who had never so much as seen her in person, let alone ever met her. A person who has thoughts and feelings like you and I. A person who clearly needed something in this time that she does not have, because whatever she’s going through was too much for her to continue competing at the world’s finest competition. As I watched and read the comments, my opinion started to form and then the opposite opinion would cross my mind, and I weighed what my ultimate thoughts were on this issue, and I realized that I don’t have an opinion. She is a human athlete who made a choice, be it right or wrong, it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Simone’s story is a cautionary tale of the danger of being a god – or in her case, a goddess – in this world. You see, we’re all looking for something to hold us up. Before the pandemic, we were up. We were doing pretty well. Sure, there was some dirt on the surface, there was some infighting going on, but for the most part our bellies and our wallets were full. We knew what side we were on, we knew what we thought about things, and we were ok with everything. And then. Our health started to fail. In the form of a tiny virus that threatened sickness and death. Our routines failed. We had to stay home from work and school and find new ways to do normal things. For some of us our relationships failed as we fought over politics, and being home together so long took its toll. Some had jobs or businesses that failed. We couldn’t find toilet paper or paper towels. We couldn’t go out and do what we enjoy. We couldn’t see our loved ones – not at least, without a mask or being six feet away. And suddenly, the things that had kept us up were failing us. For many, the government had failed them. The church failed. The masks failed. Maybe even the vaccine failed. But here! Here is a beautiful gymnast with amazing talents to remind us of all that is good and amazing in this world. The type of athlete that should be on the Wheeties box, and can be a role-model for every child who wants to do great things. She has faced adversity, and she is strong and she is a winner. She represents everything great we want life to be. And we waited on bated breath. We wanted Simone Biles to hold us up. We wanted Simone Biles to tell us everything will be ok.

But she tripped. She almost fell. And then she quit. She dropped out. She left her comrades to finish without her. And this spurned every response, ranging from curiosity to contempt. The response showed me that when we put our hope on human shoulders, they cannot hold us up. When we put our hopes on a person, we crush them under our expectations. Imagine having the eyes of the whole world on you – expecting you to be perfect, to win, to show no weakness. Expecting you to help bring the country out of a dark time by crushing the competition. Nobody can take on the weight of all that by themselves. And when we stand on a weak foundation, we fall. And fall people did. They fell in their shock, their confusion, their anger, and their disgust. Maybe no one sees it the way I do, that Simone was a foundation that many built their hope. But if we’re honest, we’ve been looking to anything to restore our hope, our happiness, our safety. We’ve been looking for any assurance that things will get better.

But here we are, COVID cases are on the rise again, masks are being mandated once again, the economy is struggling, our government is struggling, and Simone Biles, our Olympic hero is no longer a competitor. So where do we put our hope? Who will hold us up? Who will stroke our head and tell us that all is not lost?

The only one who can withstand the weight of our needs and expectations is the only one who has been able to withstand our humanity from the beginning. It’s Jesus Christ. It’s like the song says, “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand”. We have to be so careful of putting our hopes in gods. By that I mean little g gods. Those things and people around us that may seem like something to trust. Something or someone to worship. We must be so careful that our hope is in nothing else than our savior Jesus. Because health will fail. Money will fail. People will fail. And when they fail under the crushing weight we put on them, we too will also fail. But when we put all of our hopes and dreams and fears and disappointments on Jesus, He is willing and able to carry them – and us – without tripping and without falling. And He will never leave us nor forsake us, because He loves us. And in these uncertain times, He wants us to come to Him, not the world, to find peace and assurance. He wants us to trust Him and seek Him and find Him.

So let’s pray for Simone and what she is going through. Let’s repent for the sin of idol worship – whatever that may look like in our lives – and let’s run to the one from whom our hope comes from. Let’s persevere through hard circumstances and remember what Jesus said: “In this world you will have troubles, but take heart for I have overcome the world”. (John 16:33b)

**Sidenote: Mental health is a serious issue, and a rising epidemic in our country. Getting help is important. If you or someone you know has had thoughts of hurting themselves or someone else, please get help. You are wanted and needed in this world. We need to be stronger mentally so we can handle what life sends our way. As Bible believing Christians, when we stand on the truth, we do not need to fear, and the pressures of this world melt away because the only one we need to please is God, and He loves us already and gives us everything we need to please Him. Look for Jesus, dear friends. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Romans 12:2

If You Visit Survival Mode, Don’t Stay Long.

My Tuesday THRIVAL Mode Muffins w/ Maple Glaze

I’ve always loved writing. It is probably my preferred method of communication, and when I get in the zone writing is to me as I would imagine playing the piano is to a concert pianist. The words flow out of my fingers effortlessly as I think and feel, and I am able to express myself using language in a way that has always felt natural to me.

When we started this blog, I was so excited to be able to stretch myself in writing, and have objectives and subjects to write about and share my opinions and odds and ends that I have learned over the years. So for my first topical post, I wanted to write about thriving instead of surviving. Of course, it was Easter weekend and time got away from me, energy slipped away, and when I did get to sit down at my computer, it was like I was bumping into a wall.

How do I put what I know into words? So, I quickly typed up all I could think of in order to get a draft ready for Heidi and Lisa to proof.

And then, like clockwork, yesterday happened. I woke up in a foul mood, totally unmotivated and worn out. All I wanted to do was get back in bed. And then the thoughts began: “You want to write about thriving and here you are, barely able to get through your day”.

The good in this is that with this topic fresh in my mind, I was able to put this into practice. I would not climb back in bed. I would not let my kids sit inside all day. I have mouths to feed and minds to shape, I have hearts to love and hands to hold. I have a God who is greater than my inability to handle life when I’m worn out.

I’ll tell you, yesterday did not go perfectly and I stumbled through it, but I did not settle for survival mode. Instead I chose THRIVAL mode. In the inspiring words of Elisabeth Elliott, I just “[did] the next thing”. I may have complained a bit to my husband, I may have not been the most patient with my kids, but I got them dressed, fed them, took them outside. We painted nails. I made muffins. We ate muffins. My husband came home from work and we went to our church’s community group. It wasn’t my finest day, and this may not be my finest piece of writing, but I pray that you’ll bare with me, because THRIVAL mode doesn’t mean perfect.

Here’s the thing: womanhood can be really confusing. In one moment we are told to have it all together and never let them see us sweat, and in the next moment our eyes are full of Internet images with parodies and memes about wine, sweatpants, dry shampoo, overeating and not wanting to get out of bed.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good glass of wine in my sweatpants after a long day! I also fully believe in God’s mandate for us to rest, but there is a tremendous difference between rest and gluttony/laziness.

Another theme that is pervasive with women in culture today is the conflicting notion that in pregnancy, we are so excited and celebratory. Then, baby is born and we’re all smiles, filling instagram feeds with an overload of pictures. Somewhere around toddlerhood (and in a lot of cases baby #2) we fall into this pit of, “What a difficult pain motherhood is”. Suddenly, because of my relentless motherhood season, I have an excuse to complain and look a HOT mess, neglecting myself and my spouse and we call it “survival mode”.

It’s not just moms that end up in this mode. Many women find life to be simply too overwhelming. Instead of recognizing it and adjusting course (by looking to God and other wise women for support) they settle for less than excellence, “survival mode”.

I have been in survival mode more times than I care to count. I would describe it as this feeling of holding on for dear life. One wrong move, or one more added thing might push me off the edge. It’s not a fun place to be. It’s a needy place to be. It’s a feeling of not being able to help anyone else because I can’t even help myself. I don’t like being there. For me, survival mode often turns into anxiety and depression.

As a military spouse, I can say with confidence, there are absolutely times that survival mode is necessary. There are things in life that can throw us off course and take us by surprise, okay SHOCK, and it’s in these moments just breathing seems difficult. The things that nightmares are made of, that actually happen in real life can often leave us clinging to Jesus and holding on for dear life, because we’re drowning. In these moments, just staying upright is what we are supposed to do, full on true survival. The closer we grow to God, the less and less even the worst situations can shake us.

Of course, most of life is not a crisis. Most of life is day-to-day challenges and stress that all human beings face, and as women we often turn our normal life struggles into an excuse to eat a tub of ice cream and stay on the couch. We call it survival mode. Or maybe we’re moms that hand our kids a tablet and some chicken nuggets and call this survival mode. These things are ok in moderation and we have to give ourselves grace! If we stay in survival mode too long, we can forget that we are made to do more than we think possible.

When at the end of your rope, you have a choice and one you may not realize is even an option. Obviously, “survival mode” is one or we can lean into God and begin to act in faith. When you feel like your gas tank is on E and daily task seem impossible, start with a simple prayer and select one Bible verse to memorize and meditate on. Next, its time to act! We can throw up our dirty hair into a bun, slap on some lipstick, and keep going. We don’t have to be perfect to get out of survival mode. We just have to decide to start improving. This is no longer survival mode…this is THRIVAL MODE!

THRIVAL Mode, to me, is more what God intended for us as women. In the book of John in The Bible, Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.” John‬ ‭10:10-15‬ ‭ESV‬

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”
John 10:10-15 The Bible, English Standard Version

When you prioritize your relationship with Jesus, you have no need for survival mode. He leads you exactly where you need to go, and allows you rest when you need it (if you choose to take it). With God, He allows you thrive no matter what life throws at you, as you are living with an eternal perspective. It’s no longer about what you have and how good you can do something but what are you doing and why.

Who or what are you following? Are you worn out from comparing your life to what you see on social media? Are you trying to do it all on your own? Are you relying on a community of people you trust? Are you too busy and living without margin in your life? Do you always feel less than, so you default to survival mode? I assure you, you are where you are supposed to be and God has the strength and energy you need to be the woman He has made you to be. Is your house perfectly clean? Maybe, maybe not. Are your relationships perfect? Are you the best at your job? Maybe, maybe not. Are you pushing forward even when it gets tough? Yes. Do you refuse to give up? Yes. Are you leaning on God to allow you to take on more than you can handle alone? Yes. THIS is THRIVAL mode. THRIVAL mode isn’t about having every i dotted and t crossed. THRIVAL mode is living in the goodness and abundance that God offers in this life, and being able to serve others while being salt and light in this world. It means loving our family and friends well and working hard and walking by faith and not by fear.

THRIVAL mode means having the courage to try, to go and do even if we’re not perfect at it. Women in THRIVAL mode say, “yes” to the right things and “no” to the right things. Women in THRIVAL mode don’t give up when things don’t go their way, but they get back up and go at it again. Women in THRIVAL mode ask for help when they need it and help others when they need it. THRIVAL mode means less whining and more smiling. THRIVAL mode is where we should strive to be.

We are women and we have so much to offer. we cannot be all God made us to be if we constantly live in survival mode. Let’s be women in THRIVAL mode. Let’s keep our heads high, take the next step, and thrive.

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:28-31 The Bible, English Standard Version

Love,

Jill

*Disclaimer: This blog post contains a link to a product that I used and liked. How Estherly does not earn commission from this product mention, however there are other affiliate links on this blog that do earn commission to support How Estherly.