I’ve always loved writing. It is probably my preferred method of communication, and when I get in the zone writing is to me as I would imagine playing the piano is to a concert pianist. The words flow out of my fingers effortlessly as I think and feel, and I am able to express myself using language in a way that has always felt natural to me.
When we started this blog, I was so excited to be able to stretch myself in writing, and have objectives and subjects to write about and share my opinions and odds and ends that I have learned over the years. So for my first topical post, I wanted to write about thriving instead of surviving. Of course, it was Easter weekend and time got away from me, energy slipped away, and when I did get to sit down at my computer, it was like I was bumping into a wall.
How do I put what I know into words? So, I quickly typed up all I could think of in order to get a draft ready for Heidi and Lisa to proof.
And then, like clockwork, yesterday happened. I woke up in a foul mood, totally unmotivated and worn out. All I wanted to do was get back in bed. And then the thoughts began: “You want to write about thriving and here you are, barely able to get through your day”.
The good in this is that with this topic fresh in my mind, I was able to put this into practice. I would not climb back in bed. I would not let my kids sit inside all day. I have mouths to feed and minds to shape, I have hearts to love and hands to hold. I have a God who is greater than my inability to handle life when I’m worn out.
I’ll tell you, yesterday did not go perfectly and I stumbled through it, but I did not settle for survival mode. Instead I chose THRIVAL mode. In the inspiring words of Elisabeth Elliott, I just “[did] the next thing”. I may have complained a bit to my husband, I may have not been the most patient with my kids, but I got them dressed, fed them, took them outside. We painted nails. I made muffins. We ate muffins. My husband came home from work and we went to our church’s community group. It wasn’t my finest day, and this may not be my finest piece of writing, but I pray that you’ll bare with me, because THRIVAL mode doesn’t mean perfect.
Here’s the thing: womanhood can be really confusing. In one moment we are told to have it all together and never let them see us sweat, and in the next moment our eyes are full of Internet images with parodies and memes about wine, sweatpants, dry shampoo, overeating and not wanting to get out of bed.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good glass of wine in my sweatpants after a long day! I also fully believe in God’s mandate for us to rest, but there is a tremendous difference between rest and gluttony/laziness.
Another theme that is pervasive with women in culture today is the conflicting notion that in pregnancy, we are so excited and celebratory. Then, baby is born and we’re all smiles, filling instagram feeds with an overload of pictures. Somewhere around toddlerhood (and in a lot of cases baby #2) we fall into this pit of, “What a difficult pain motherhood is”. Suddenly, because of my relentless motherhood season, I have an excuse to complain and look a HOT mess, neglecting myself and my spouse and we call it “survival mode”.
It’s not just moms that end up in this mode. Many women find life to be simply too overwhelming. Instead of recognizing it and adjusting course (by looking to God and other wise women for support) they settle for less than excellence, “survival mode”.
I have been in survival mode more times than I care to count. I would describe it as this feeling of holding on for dear life. One wrong move, or one more added thing might push me off the edge. It’s not a fun place to be. It’s a needy place to be. It’s a feeling of not being able to help anyone else because I can’t even help myself. I don’t like being there. For me, survival mode often turns into anxiety and depression.
As a military spouse, I can say with confidence, there are absolutely times that survival mode is necessary. There are things in life that can throw us off course and take us by surprise, okay SHOCK, and it’s in these moments just breathing seems difficult. The things that nightmares are made of, that actually happen in real life can often leave us clinging to Jesus and holding on for dear life, because we’re drowning. In these moments, just staying upright is what we are supposed to do, full on true survival. The closer we grow to God, the less and less even the worst situations can shake us.
Of course, most of life is not a crisis. Most of life is day-to-day challenges and stress that all human beings face, and as women we often turn our normal life struggles into an excuse to eat a tub of ice cream and stay on the couch. We call it survival mode. Or maybe we’re moms that hand our kids a tablet and some chicken nuggets and call this survival mode. These things are ok in moderation and we have to give ourselves grace! If we stay in survival mode too long, we can forget that we are made to do more than we think possible.
When at the end of your rope, you have a choice and one you may not realize is even an option. Obviously, “survival mode” is one or we can lean into God and begin to act in faith. When you feel like your gas tank is on E and daily task seem impossible, start with a simple prayer and select one Bible verse to memorize and meditate on. Next, its time to act! We can throw up our dirty hair into a bun, slap on some lipstick, and keep going. We don’t have to be perfect to get out of survival mode. We just have to decide to start improving. This is no longer survival mode…this is THRIVAL MODE!
THRIVAL Mode, to me, is more what God intended for us as women. In the book of John in The Bible, Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.” John 10:10-15 ESV
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”
John 10:10-15 The Bible, English Standard Version
When you prioritize your relationship with Jesus, you have no need for survival mode. He leads you exactly where you need to go, and allows you rest when you need it (if you choose to take it). With God, He allows you thrive no matter what life throws at you, as you are living with an eternal perspective. It’s no longer about what you have and how good you can do something but what are you doing and why.
Who or what are you following? Are you worn out from comparing your life to what you see on social media? Are you trying to do it all on your own? Are you relying on a community of people you trust? Are you too busy and living without margin in your life? Do you always feel less than, so you default to survival mode? I assure you, you are where you are supposed to be and God has the strength and energy you need to be the woman He has made you to be. Is your house perfectly clean? Maybe, maybe not. Are your relationships perfect? Are you the best at your job? Maybe, maybe not. Are you pushing forward even when it gets tough? Yes. Do you refuse to give up? Yes. Are you leaning on God to allow you to take on more than you can handle alone? Yes. THIS is THRIVAL mode. THRIVAL mode isn’t about having every i dotted and t crossed. THRIVAL mode is living in the goodness and abundance that God offers in this life, and being able to serve others while being salt and light in this world. It means loving our family and friends well and working hard and walking by faith and not by fear.
THRIVAL mode means having the courage to try, to go and do even if we’re not perfect at it. Women in THRIVAL mode say, “yes” to the right things and “no” to the right things. Women in THRIVAL mode don’t give up when things don’t go their way, but they get back up and go at it again. Women in THRIVAL mode ask for help when they need it and help others when they need it. THRIVAL mode means less whining and more smiling. THRIVAL mode is where we should strive to be.
We are women and we have so much to offer. we cannot be all God made us to be if we constantly live in survival mode. Let’s be women in THRIVAL mode. Let’s keep our heads high, take the next step, and thrive.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:28-31 The Bible, English Standard Version
Love,
Jill
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